Ricochet

4 December 2007 ~ Reflecting Pool

----------------
Now playing: Survivor - The Search Is Over
via FoxyTunes
----------------

It's 4 December 2007…five years ago today was my last day of active duty in the United States Air Force. For those that don’t know, I spent the last 3 years of my military days stationed in Northern Germany, near the Dutch border. I lived in this small, beautiful, Old World village called Kalkar, which is situated about 5 hours north of the American conglomerate known as K-town. It was great living so far north and working with an international staff; I even taught myself German and made quite a few German national friends. (Pictured Right: Me in Basic Training, taken March 1997)

However, the tides changed around May of 2002 when, after nearly 6 years of active service, I decided that I was not going to reenlist at the end of my term. Instead, I had focused my attention on the desires of my heart and ultimately the fruition of yet another lifelong dream, and that meant moving to Chicago hopefully to join the civilian sector. Naturally, I am required to omit much of the specifics surrounding the nature of events during this period—it can all be found in my book…the same book I have been working on for nearly 10 years! I will finish it someday.

I left my life in Germany on 28 October 2002 and departed on Terminal Leave for, what I thought could only be described as “a dream come true.” Living in Chicago had always been a dream of mine since I was very young, but like most dreams it was short-lived. In late November of that same year I moved back to Omaha, Nebraska (for the second time of my life); again the reasoning of which will be divulged in the greater chronicles to come.

From Nov 2002 to Sept 2004, I remained in Omaha; although, I moved around a few times until finally settling in West Omaha. As luck prevailed, another dream came true in September 04 and I moved to the DC area to accept a nice job offer and I was blessed with an even better job offer a few months later.

My life really began to change when I moved to the DC metropolitan area. For the first time in my life, interstates—a method of travel designed for rapid transportation—became mere parking lots. Further, I started making a little bit of money so hopefully one day I’ll be able to climb out from underneath that boulder of debt. I met my wonderful partner and even managed to buy a very nice condo; actually we’re just renting it from the bank and good God the rent is outrageous!

Sadly; however, whenever and wherever there is good in life, the bad is not far behind and I’m not saying this to sound pessimistic but rather pragmatic. As most everyone in my life knows, I lost my brother just three months ago and not far after, our family took another devastating blow. As I mentioned in previous posts, just after my brother’s untimely demise, his widow discovered the miracle of life had been bestowed graciously upon her. A few weeks ago, she discovered how unbearably cruel life truly can be when she lost the unborn life. Since this tragic discovery, I have not had the time, the energy or the desire to update my blog. (Pictured Right: my brother in Basic Training, taken Aug 1993)

It’s the end of era and the end of the former call sign “Sgtdildo” for this blogsite. I decided today, to respectfully retire that name, as that was one of my brother’s favorite sayings since we were very young. Now that he and any hope of his offspring are gone, it’s time move forward. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my brother and the friendship we had growing up; tears often still well up every once in a while.

***

As I reflect on today’s significance, I look back at photos of the past decade and wonder where that little kid went that joined the Air Force 10 years ago (4 Feb 97). I’ve done a lot of crazy things over the years, some great and some not so smart. Along the way, I made a lot of lasting friendships; lost contact with some good friends and family; lost two friends to cancer, and made countless errors in judgment. I have also gained a lot over the years, primarily through experiences attained in life and debt.

I know that I’m not unique in occasionally pondering the endless possibilities of “if I could go back then knowing what I know now” and wondering if elements in life would turn out the same, worse, or better. Suffice to say, none of us will ever know. Fortunately; however, understanding this should make us wiser through experience and ultimately broaden our perspectives enough so that we don’t repeat things we may later regret.

I can attest from personal experiences, that regardless of what gets us down, we have an inherent ability eventually to bounce back.

Until next time…
NK

"...you've been my inspiration; you've been my guiding light."

Jazz For a Rainy Day

8/9 November 2007 ~ New Random Thoughts

I am so tired right now. For the past week, I kept intending to post an update but I just haven’t had the time. In addition to work and everything else going on in life, I’m going to school full time to finally complete my degree in BS/BIT. Well, each class is 5 weeks and they are very fast-paced, much like summer school. I started back with the University of Phoenix a year ago, but at first, the school only matriculated about half of my credits. I had to appeal a few times until finally they used all but 8 of my credits. (See END for new Mood Reflecting Subtitles.)

So far, I have a 4.0 GPA and I only have about 16 classes left before I will finally have a completed degree. I am very excited but anyway, enough boring you with all that nonsense.

A couple of weeks ago, Nate decided he wanted a new iMac so, despite that I am finally no longer in “buy” mode, we ended up getting a really nice iMac (see the attached pic). It came with Mac X 10.5 (Leopard) and naturally I spent the next few days setting it up and playing with it! I got each of our MacBook Pro’s and the PC upstairs networked to the iMac. Leopard is a nice operating system (OS for other techies out there…but I have to spell some things out for others who may not know), but there are a few bugs that still require some attention. AOL, for example, or even the second Beta version for AOL Desktop for Mac, is not fully compatible for Leopard. (Like all pictures, click on them for larger view.)Changing directions a bit, I am about to pass out right now. I’m just really tired and in a lot of pain. I don’t know how, but I hurt the back of my neck. For the past two weeks, it has felt like I pulled a muscle and no matter what I do, it won’t help the discomfort.

On a better note, yesterday was Election Day for Virginia—yea I don’t know why, but VA has an election every year it seems. As it turns out, Democrats picked up enough seats to gain control of the State Senate but fell just a few seats short of taking control of the lower house. Because it’s much easier for incumbents to maintain control over their seat, Democrats are paving the way to take control over both houses in the next legislative election and just in time before Virginia’s 2011 redistricting.

OK, I admit, I began writing the entry the other night, which was the 7th. I literally passed out last night while I was trying to write this. I was kicked back in the recliner, much the same way I am currently, only last night I reached the point that I couldn’t even hold my eyes open any longer. But now, here I sit, sipping on a nice hot tea and relaxing to some soothing music playing from my exuberant iTunes library.

I have so much that I want to write about and throughout the day, I think of thousands of things I’d like to mention. The truth is, this blog is only here for the sake of my sanity; I know that no one reads it because everyone leads busy lives and people rarely have time to deal with the menageries of their own lives much less taking time out long enough to read about my mundane monologues. I only began to keep online journal after my brother’s untimely demise a couple months ago. I thought it would help me sort through everything.

My cousin’s wife is about to drop her third kid any day now (which means a third wonderful Godchild!) and my friend’s mom nearly died a few weeks ago. My brother’s widow is pregnant with a baby—or babies—that will not have the distinct privilege of knowing their father. Those are just a few of the things on my mind. Anyway, I best end this now and save this contemplation for another time.

Until next time…
NK

PS: Throughout my blog series, I may—from time to time—add, remove, modify or incorporate new layout and design features to more accurately reflect my artistic liberty. As such, the colors of the subtitle text will reflect my mood at the time of posting.

Miracle of Miracles!

21 October 2007 ~ Always On My Mind

A new day has come…a brand new day! All the words in the world cannot express the exultant gladness that I—and no doubt my wonderful sister-in-law and our now conjoined families—feel right now. (me with my sis-in-law---->)

Last week, my brother’s widow—who still clearly mourns the loss of her beloved husband’s untimely death just six short weeks ago—revealed to me the greatest and most comforting news for which one could ever hope! With my brother’s body still warm in the ground, still fresh and unfettered by time, his widow now dons the threshold for new life.

According to the best that science can offer, this new life has existed for 8 weeks and will someday soon make his or her most miraculous arrival into this intrepid journey that we call “life”.

I want to shout it from the rooftops! I cannot hide my joy any longer, as this is the closest I will ever come to being a father. Being an uncle is very much a great joy and a lifelong dream for me, for my brother. Life can be so damn selfish at times but when we persevere, life can offer the greatest rewards in return.

Someday, the time will come, when I will be able to sit my nephew or niece down and tell them all about their wonderful father, and all the silly things he and I used to do when we were growing up together. I will be able to tell them about how their father helped to inspire me to join the Air Force, how he—although never knowing it—truly inspired me to reach out and be the person I am. I will be able to tell them about how their father truly positively affected so many peoples’ lives and how he made people laugh, often simply by just being in the room. I will someday be able to tell this new life about the everlasting footprints their father left behind.

For this truly is a time of great jubilation and I pray for God to bless this family after it’s loss and for the future one to come to be a healthy and happy addition to our very welcoming and elated family!

Until next time…
NK

PS: Pictures added below

Coming Attractions

21 October 2007 ~ Stay Tuned...

There is good news ahead! As in my usual fashion, I like to "write it up" a bit and my writer's artistic spin on life to amplify the magnificence of such occasion. Something truly awesome has now begun and, while I know most people throw around the term "awesome" far too often, this word TRULY describes the nature of this very matter.

If you don't know already, stay tuned for the announcement within the next couple of days!

Until next time…
NK

My Delusive Contentment

10 October 2007 ~ The Endless Tropism Toward Life’s Tokus

What’s wrong with a person always wanting more and striving to be better with each passing day? My whole life, I have always felt like I needed to “stretch” and eventually “plunge” out of my comfort zone to discover the world around me. I always felt like I was being confined within this cocoon and I wanted to fly away! I hope that makes sense. Maybe I’m just delirious with grief over recent changes, things in which I clearly was not comfortable in dealing right now. (Those close to me know what I mean.)

Now the problem is that I have lived here and abroad, explored some of the world, even learned a foreign language—two if you count British English—and gained some cultural knowledge and because of that, something within me constantly yearns for more. I feel as though I have experienced just a taste of what life can offer outside of my “cocoon” and I spend every waking moment daydreaming of a life that is enveloped by that “world” and I spend most nights dreaming of returning to that delusive contentment, my castle in the sky. So for now, my dreams remain my only tropism to seventh heaven and the key to maintaining my sanity through the madness of this capricious journey.

Anyway, enough with the poetic notions. I’m just a little down lately with so many elements desiring change and I’ve tried to reject it as much as possible over the past couple months. The one thing I wish would change is my debt condition. Let the money roll in (legally speaking of course) so I can pay off my debt and be free and clear of these ever-binding shackles. I swear that our society is designed forever to keep a person in the same class in which they were born. Rarely, does someone permanently excel to the much-desired higher level in society, but often do we drift within our own class hitting the highs and, more notably, the lows.

I guess it makes no difference what I think or how I feel because in the end no one cares what’s inscribed here. How many people are there in this world and of those, how many of them actually use their brains for more than performing the most simplistic activities in nature? How many people are most content simply by consuming their day with video games or serving their life sentence as a couch potato? How many people realize the world is greater than their backyard and even extends beyond their hometown? How many people understand what compassion beyond measure means? How many people serve as the drones of societies across the world and buy into everything they’re told by those in the class above them? (How many of these “how many’s” can I come up with?)

Until next time…
NK

Un Autre Blog de Blasé

06 October 2007 ~ My Blah-Blah Days

The last week or so has been pretty mundane. I ended up taking about 3 weeks off school when my brother died, just for obvious reasons like not being mentally “there”. Anyway, I decided to go ahead and take my programming class which started on 25 September. Trust me, I was not ready but I knew I had to just jump back in there and try to stay focused on my studies; I’m only about 14 classes away from my degree! I would be closer if my school accepted all of my previously earned credits, but oh well, I’m only missing about 8 credits at this point.

Anyway, about 2 weeks ago Nate and I took the pets to the vet for their annual check-ups and vaccines. BOY! Talk about crazy. It was like taking the zoo there. We have 4 cats and an Italian Greyhound (IG). As soon as we walked into the vet’s lobby, the other people in the waiting room started laughing and making jokes about the vet being able to pay their rent for the month. Everything was fine except our cat, Pita (short for “Pain In The Ass”). She had a dirty grill so we had to schedule to bring her in the following week and have her teeth cleaned.

So the following Friday, I dropped Pita off at the vet for a routine dental cleaning. The vet used general anesthesia to knock her out and then later that day the doc called and explained that Pita had to have two small teeth extracted but that she was fine and ready to go home. The nightmare began... Usually when cats come home having been put under with anesthesia, they tend to come around within an hour or two. Pita was struggling for many hours and she couldn’t walk. The poor girl kept pulling herself with her front legs and her rear end just wasn’t functioning. It was a horrible sight and sad to witness. I have heard several stories of where pets end up having serious neurological effects due to anesthesia so obviously we were worried about that.

Long story short: We ended up taking her to the all-night emergency animal hospital and she was very dehydrated so they treated her. The next day we had to take her back to our vet and they said that she would be fine, just that some pets take longer to recover. I was livid because we had to spend $220 for the emergency care the night before, but our vet gave us a good credit toward next year’s visit. Thankfully, Pita, and all our other family members, are doing well and just as playful as ever.

What’s funny: I took Pita to the vet for her dental cleaning and a bath because she was shedding too much. Then, later that day when I went to pick her up, the veterinarian said she would take Pita and put her in the car for me as we walked out together. Well, odd, but okay... So I got home, and brought Pita all the way upstairs and then set the kennel down on the floor and then I noticed that Pita looked different. I thought: Just what the hell kind of “bath” did they give her? (How much fur did she lose?)

Pita did not look the same and I’ve attached a picture as proof! :-)

***

Other than that excitement, we’ve been working with my cousin Adam to get our new e-commerce business up and running. Adam, Nate and I took this past Friday off so we could go to Baltimore and Annapolis, MD and register our business, the trade name and all that other jazz. It took ALL DAY! But of course, what more could you expect from state government employees?

Well, I would add more but I just finished doing some homework and now I want to get back to my game! I can hear it calling out loudly to me: Nathan...Nathan! You still have to rescue the princess... Yes, I still love video games, especially Mario and Zelda games. I have the red Nintendo DS Lite and just got the LONG-AWAITED (3…count them THREE LONG YEARS) for Zelda game for the DS and it’s really fun. I play this to wind down after work and after my homework.


Until next time…
NK

NOVA: 3 El Yearos Latero

25 September 2007 ~ In Rear Reflection

I meant to post this yesterday but I was pretty much a walking zombie all day. I didn’t get any sleep Sunday night so needless to say I had that crazed look in my eyes all day yesterday…you know, the look that says “Brains….ggrrrrrrrr…..brains” Ok, I hope somebody gets that reference. :)

Anyway, I rolled into this area 3 years ago on 22 September and managed to traverse the maze of roads to find my new apartment complex. Since I wasn’t scheduled to move in until the 24th, they wouldn’t let me have it so I had to stay in a hotel for 2 nights. By the way, if anyone ever moves to the DC area (Northern VA) let me know so I can tell you which apartment complex to avoid, unless English is not your first language and then you’re ok. Take that as a standing rule of thumb around here.

.

The past 3 years have been crazy but they have been very rewarding as well. I met someone really special right after Thanksgiving ’04 and come this New Year’s Eve, we will celebrate our three year anniversary. But let me tell you, it has not been a stroll in the park like you see in the Disney movies. I mean, let’s get real! We’re not opening umbrellas and defying the laws of gravity by taking flight to the clouds, and wild animals don’t greet us at the window every time we whistle a tune. We often joke that if we didn’t own a home together and share custody of 5—count them FIVE—‘kids’ then there are times when we probably would have broken up long ago during one of our “disagreements”.
.
I have a nice job with great benefits and I’m going to school to complete my degree. I know I’m a little behind in life, but I discount it to spending 7 years in the Air Force and working at an isolated international station abroad. Or, I could just be honest and say that I COULD have taken internet-based classes while stationed abroad, but honestly I didn’t feel comfortable with that idea. I much preferred a brick and mortar style of learning.

.

In the past 3 years I have owned 5—count them FIVE—vehicles! When I moved here, I was driving a 2003 Jeep Liberty Limited Edition (blue), then traded it for a 2005 Honda Civic Hybrid (metallic blue), kept that for 10 months, but at 10,000 miles I traded it for a 2006 Jeep Liberty Limited Edition Diesel (crimson red), then because of the mechanical problems with the Diesel engine, I swapped it for a 2006 Jeep Commander Limited (crimson red) and finally, I tossed the gas-guzzling, Republican-supporting Commander for a 2006 VW Jetta. Recently, I said that I’ll have to schedule my Jetta’s first oil change since I just drove all over God’s green earth going to IL for my brother’s funeral and then down to MS to visit my family. One of our friends joked that “Hell, I guess that means it’s time for a new car!”

.
It’s been great living here and being so close to the Kennedy Center (for the Performing Arts), and the National Theatre. Together, we have seen Mahler’s Ninth, “Les Miserable”, “The Nutcracker”, a few NSO performances, and my life long dream finally came true this past summer: “The Phantom of the Opera”! We’re going to see a few shows this coming season, most notably Disney’s “The Lion King”. We also went to Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors Tour 2007” concert this past summer, which was to support equality for all American citizens, not just heterosexuals. The message was clear: no one is seeking “special rights” (as the conservative right would have everyone believe) but instead to extend the provisions of the Fourteenth Amendment to ALL tax-paying Americans. Anyway, I won’t get on this right now. :)

.

One of the most memorable things happened this past summer. For starters I have always wanted to take Amtrak cross country and for my big 3-0, we went to Chicago for 2 weeks via Amtrak. The trip was about 18 hours one way but we had a nice room and we actually got a view, unlike what you get by driving or flying. I would love to live in Chicago again, and somehow Nate knew that the entire two weeks would be one big “sales pitch” on Chicago…and it was! LOL While we were there, we got to see the Blue Man Group, the usual touristy things like the Sears Tower, and a few boat cruises and for my birthday, we had dinner in the Signature Room of the John Hancock building (95th floor). We wanted to do something that would make this trip even more memorable so we finally did what we had been wanting to do for the past year: we each got a tattoo (and my first). Ha-ha! My tat is the rainbow Star of David and in ancient Hebrew the word “Shalom” underneath. Anyway, it was a great trip and we did loads, but I won’t bore everyone with that. Instead, I’ll just make copies of the home videos and send to everyone, compliments of the HD-camcorder! :)

A lot of other things have happened but I won’t go into it now. My next class starts today and I need to log-in and check the syllabus.

Until next time…
NK

One Month

23 September 2007 ~ A Family Changed Forever

It’s 22:30, and I was just getting ready for bed but I wanted to jot down some thoughts while I’m in the “writing mood”. One month ago tonight everything was fine as far as I—and most of my family—knew, but then the calls started making their way around to each family member until finally, my call came. It was just past 1AM on the 24th of August and I was just getting settled into bed when my cell phone rang. “Who the hell’s calling me, now?” I thought to myself. As soon as I saw “Dad” on the display window, my heart dropped. I just knew something was wrong because for starters, Dad never calls. He always makes me call. Secondly, when someone who never calls, calls in the middle of the night, you KNOW it’s not just to talk about the current Trade Policy in Kazakhstan.

At any case, I took the call and immediately asked what was wrong. My dad did his trademark clearing-of-the-throat before speaking; his voice was calm as he asked me what I was doing. I said, “Who cares what I’m doing. What’s wrong?” Then my dad said (and these still words echo in my head), “They think Shondell’s dead…” I think I, as well as my entire family, was covered in a shroud of disbelief. How could this happen to us, and to someone in our family? This is the kind of thing you hear about in the news, or from a colleague, or even in the movies, but not in our family. How inane is it to think that we can be impervious from the full gamut of the human continuum?

The long, dark and endless journey of sadness began that night and no doubt continues through to this day.

***

The trip to Illinois was the longest trip of my life; I decided to drive rather than fly because I wanted the time on the road to just reflect and try to build some inner strength before facing the inevitable: a flag-draped casket. My partner, Nathan, and my cousin, Adam, came to IL as well. Ironically, the trip was a bit comical in that my dad—who lives in Pascagoula, MS—and I planned our individual trip so well that we left at the same time just to see who could get to IL first! Obviously we had previously calculated that we were about equal distance from our destination. My entourage and I arrived at the hotel (about 6AM) then my dad, step mom and younger brother, David, showed up about 30 minutes later.

For most of the 12-hour trip, I sat quietly in the passenger seat of my Jetta and jotted down some random thoughts I could use to compose my brother’s eulogy. Skipping ahead just a little: On the 29th of August, I stood at the front of the chapel-like room and delivered my brother’s eulogy. It was both the most difficult and the most important act that I have ever done, being my brother’s pallbearer and pulling the flag-draped casket from the hearse was the second most difficult thing to do. Besides burying my brother, I think the hardest thing of this entire experience was having a closed-casket service. Granted Autumn, my brother’s wife, and I decided to have it open for immediate family during the visitation evening, we decided to close it prior to anyone else arriving; the site was just too traumatic for most people to handle. Just before the staff closed the casket, the family was given a final moment to say goodbye. My dad approached the casket and leaned in closely. I stayed my distance. As my dad came up I saw something that really brought a sense of finality to this entire menagerie: I saw my dad cry for the first time in my life…but as he stepped away from the casket he quickly removed any physical evidence of tears, or the likeness thereof!

Anyway, I don’t want to hearken on this theme for the entire blog, but I just want to vent some of the things going on in my head while they’re still fresh. I think it’s important to laugh a lot if life and have fun, but then there comes a time when we need to redraw our attention and focus on what’s going on internally in our lives. I am the type of person who generally hides beneath the masquerade mask and makes others laugh all the while I carry with me the same types of burdens and troubles as everyone else in this world. I love making people laugh, though, because if we can laugh and just—even temporarily—forget about our troubles, then we can carry on in this journey and become stronger and pass on our knowledge to friends, family and future generations. At least that’s my take on survival.

I need to get to bed because it’s 23:40 and I have to get up at 0300 to get ready for work, but I’ll leave you with this quote from Enya’s song “Long, Long Journey”.

“Through the darkness and the shadow, I will still go on…”

On the Harbor...

20 September 2007 ~ Inaugural Post

It’s 22:03, and it’s been nearly a month since the unthinkable came to pass. This is my first blog, so I hope you can endure this painstaking journey with me. I’m not sure how long I will keep a blog or how long each entry will be, or even how often I will submit a new post, but I do hope to be able to sort through all the rubbish we call thoughts.

I really know where to start. For 30 years I knew someone who was my best friend, the person I could talk to for just about anything and the person with whom I could sit back and reminisce and laugh over times long gone by from an earlier age. Together, we used to evoke memories of the past and laugh about silly things we did in our childhood, the kinds of things brothers do, like instigate trouble for the other and then laugh when he gets as ass-beating.

A few years ago, my brother got tangled up in the wrong crowd and sadly found himself deeply involved in recreational drugs. Everyone in the family tried to no end to help him, but nothing seemed to work; my brother ended up in a hospital for treatment and in June 2004 he was released to come live with me in Omaha, Nebraska. It wasn’t long before he began to fall into his old habits and he would overdose on his prescribed meds daily either for attention or to make his pain go away. He always said that he got hooked on the meds because it made him forget about his pain. Anyway, the edited for TV version of the story is: he got into some trouble and ended up spending a month in the county jail, and when he was released I was in the process of moving to the DC area to accept a job offer. My brother begged me to take him with me, but I was still very upset over what he did and I told him that I could forgive him but I couldn’t forget. I carried that anger with me for nearly 3 years and didn’t speak with him until February of this year, when I discovered he was newly married and happily living in Champaign, Illinois.

I was elated to hear the news and I contacted him immediately to tell him how sorry I was to have carried this resentment with me for so many years and I asked for his forgiveness. It was hard to reach him because, as I found out, he too had been mad at me—perhaps mad that I left him in Omaha while I moved to DC. It did not occur to me “why” he didn’t understand why I was upset with him; because of the drugs in his system, he could not comprehend what he did or why I was upset. I wasn’t smart enough to realize this at the time when it all happened.

We spoke to each other this past March and it was the first time in almost 3 years. It was great to know that he was doing well and was happily married. I was sad that I missed his wedding—that’s another story—and I had grown fearful over the years that he may never find a perfect partner in life. I cried the night I found out because I was so happy for him. I was overjoyed that my brother, who’s life had always seemed very deprived of many things, had finally found true love and happiness. He and his bride were married 30 December 2006.

For the past few years my brother had to contend with the complete loss of vision in his right eye and he was beginning to lose vision in the other eye. He always complained of severe muscle aches but regardless of his veteran status, the VA doctors would never give him a second glance. Well, the VA doctors can take a sigh of relief now because my brother will not be bothering them anymore. After just 8 months of being married, and 32 years of being the oldest son, and 30 years of being my older brother, he was killed on Interstate 74 at mile marker 179B. More info may later follow.

***

It was just past 1AM on 24 August 2007 and I was climbing into bed when my cell phone rang. I looked to see who was calling me at this hour; it was my dad and instantly I knew this would not be a good call. I answered and proceeded with caution, but I immediately asked what was wrong. My dad cleared his throat in his usual fashion and the proceeded to explain that he received a call from my aunt (on my mother’s side of the family) and they heard that Shondell was killed earlier that day (the 23rd)…

I sit now, at a quarter to midnight, and often feel as though I’m sitting on the harbor of my sanity. With his passing, I carry now the weight of responsibility of being the sole heir of my mother and the oldest for my younger (half) brother, David (from my dad and stepmother). My partner in crime when growing up, my copilot (for the Saturday morning “spaceships” we used to build when we were young), my buddy, my defender in school, my comic relief (he was good at making people laugh), my best friend for 30 years, who knew the other half to all our stories and all our inside jokes, is dead.

I guess that’s all I have for now…it’s almost time for bed, but I will leave you with this: “Sgt Dildo” was one of my brother’s favorite sayings…He used to call people that when we were in school and of course it continued into his military days and even beyond that. People he liked were often called “Sgt Dildo” as a term of endearment, and if he didn’t like someone he called them a “Clown”. Haha I guess you would just have to know him to get it. :)

Goodnight.
NK

***

In loving memory of Kenneth Shondell Key, brother for 30 years...
http://www.legacy.com/Link.asp?I=GB000093303756
(You can view his online Guest Book if you like. There are some pictures posted as well in the Photo Album.)