My Delusive Contentment

10 October 2007 ~ The Endless Tropism Toward Life’s Tokus

What’s wrong with a person always wanting more and striving to be better with each passing day? My whole life, I have always felt like I needed to “stretch” and eventually “plunge” out of my comfort zone to discover the world around me. I always felt like I was being confined within this cocoon and I wanted to fly away! I hope that makes sense. Maybe I’m just delirious with grief over recent changes, things in which I clearly was not comfortable in dealing right now. (Those close to me know what I mean.)

Now the problem is that I have lived here and abroad, explored some of the world, even learned a foreign language—two if you count British English—and gained some cultural knowledge and because of that, something within me constantly yearns for more. I feel as though I have experienced just a taste of what life can offer outside of my “cocoon” and I spend every waking moment daydreaming of a life that is enveloped by that “world” and I spend most nights dreaming of returning to that delusive contentment, my castle in the sky. So for now, my dreams remain my only tropism to seventh heaven and the key to maintaining my sanity through the madness of this capricious journey.

Anyway, enough with the poetic notions. I’m just a little down lately with so many elements desiring change and I’ve tried to reject it as much as possible over the past couple months. The one thing I wish would change is my debt condition. Let the money roll in (legally speaking of course) so I can pay off my debt and be free and clear of these ever-binding shackles. I swear that our society is designed forever to keep a person in the same class in which they were born. Rarely, does someone permanently excel to the much-desired higher level in society, but often do we drift within our own class hitting the highs and, more notably, the lows.

I guess it makes no difference what I think or how I feel because in the end no one cares what’s inscribed here. How many people are there in this world and of those, how many of them actually use their brains for more than performing the most simplistic activities in nature? How many people are most content simply by consuming their day with video games or serving their life sentence as a couch potato? How many people realize the world is greater than their backyard and even extends beyond their hometown? How many people understand what compassion beyond measure means? How many people serve as the drones of societies across the world and buy into everything they’re told by those in the class above them? (How many of these “how many’s” can I come up with?)

Until next time…
NK