The Fortune Cookie

12 June 2008 ~ Two For the Price of One

(Updated)
2:46 AM crept in the midnight air while the promise of another blistering hot-ass day tomorrow lingers in the early summer morning dew. Just moments ago, I found myself tossing and turning for reasons I couldn’t quite put my finger on until it hit me, just as it had so many times in the past when I used to write for the fulfillment of my own desires and not that of others (i.e. school, work, or the sick pervs who appreciate new poems on the men’s restroom wall).

I lay in bed a little while longer questioning the real need to get up at this hour just to peck away at the keyboard jotting down my random thoughts, but as I lay there, still wide awake, more thoughts began flowing fluidly through my mind about all the things about which I could write. I struggled then and even up until now on how best to start, because quite honestly I always like to have a nice introduction to catch my reader’s attention (note singular again) and hopefully carry them through to the end. Alas, I had no good, clear introduction other than to explain why in the hell I’m up at this hour in the first place.

***

With the big tomato scare going around the country right now, I was a little freaked out when, after ordering in twice in the past week, I remembered I had eaten their tomatoes. Then this week, just a day or two afterward, I started feeling the aches and general nausea. On Tuesday of the week, I awoke at my normal time of 3AM, and felt about 50% of my usual stamina, but I knew I had to make the long commute into work because I had to set up a few things for my students and their instructor, who would be briefing form an offsite location. I was barely there mentally and felt like I was not far from meeting my maker. Eventually I got everything set up then headed home. Not longer after I got home, I discovered my temperature was 104.9F (isn't the "F" more or less understood in American culture? God forbid someone misinterpreted it as Celsius...) and I started taking Advil to bring it down. Don’t get me wrong, fevers are good because that’s the body’s mass production of white blood cells to fight the infection or illness, but fevers over 102 typically are not safe!

Anyway to make a long story short, my temp continued to reach the 104 range and it was a bit scary because I hadn’t seen my body temp rise that high since 2001 when I had a severe case of food poisoning. Fortunately, my doctor called in some meds for me and Nate went to pick them up and one of our neighbors was the pharmacist working that night. She recommended I take Tylenol and Advil every few hours to keep the fever low and it worked! It worked until I went to bed, then the damn thing crept in again and I began shivering around 3AM. We all know what the shivers mean: it means that our body heat is so damn high but for some dumb reason we feel cold! HOW ODD?! Nate awoke around 4:30AM and checked my temp; wouldn’t you know it was 104.7 again.

I swallowed some more pills and eventually the fever subsided to a safe 102 and eventually the mercury returned to the shadows of the 98-degree mark. People have always said that you fry brain cells when your temp is above 104 degrees, which brings me to me to my next point, the real reason why I couldn’t sleep and needed to write.

***

Life is too short not to enjoy who you are or who you were designed to be. I am who I was designed to be. I’m a smartass as best, I tend to have a mind that isn’t quite as clean as a baby’s unused diaper, I frequently interpret life around me as humorously as possible by twisting the morbid details of our infinitesimal existence to make them funnier and I do this primarily to make others’ life more enjoyable and bearable.

Every once in a while, someone comes along and reminds me that I should not be doing this; that I am in the wrong; that I talk too much or too loudly and that my jokes and style of humor is not appreciated. Naturally this hurts my feelings because while I do enjoying making others laugh, the greater reward is generating laughter from others.

With that said, I have this final thought to add: I’ve got much on my plate right now between a fulltime work and school schedule, my position as president of the board of directors for our HOA and other obligations. Last year I was dealt a tough blow when my older brother was killed and then a month later his unborn baby died. Now, my 17 year old half-brother was recently diagnosed with cancer (noted in my last blog), so to all those out there who still don’t like (or cannot handle) my style of humor, I think I’m holding up pretty well to keep up my front and if you “can’t hang” then I would recommend you find the door upon which you entered my life and don’t let it hit you in the butt on the way out. I have changed enough for people in my life but I refuse to lose my own self-identity anymore than I have already.

***

Actually (and to end on a lighter note), I wanted to post in last Sunday when the most amazing thing happened. Nate and I stopped by to visit the new Wegman’s supermarket that opened that same day and boy was it a madhouse! As far as the eye could see, there were hundreds of cars and millions of people from all around. I thought they were just giving away free food! After spending an hour trying to make our way into the parking lot and then searching for a parking space, we finally made our way into this colossal supermarket that I had always heard so much about over the years. Having not eaten yet, we decided to grab a bite to eat once we got inside; now this isn’t like your typical supermarket with the standard deli area. Quite the opposite indeed. This place has several restaurants and deli shops from which to choose, and eventually after perusing the many varieties, I opted for Chinese and he elected the same.

We took our plates upstairs and sat at a small table just near the balcony overlooking the center atrium and from the opposite end of the room was a small live string quartet, consisting of a cello, a base and two violins. Hey! If I’m wrong about the music then who’s going to tell? This is my blog and I’ll remember it the way I WANT. :)

Anyway, after we ate our Chinese, then we were left only with the two fortune cookies sitting lonely on the table, just staring at us as if to ask, “Well, aren’t you going to devour me too much like you just did our distant cousins?” So I handed Nate the two cookies and he put them behind his back, mixed them up and then asked, “Which hand?” I picked the right hand, so he handed me that cookie and he took the other (obviously, because that’s the way this dumb game works).

He ate his cookie then read his fortune, and I began eating mine and reached for the fortune only quickly to realize I was reaching for not one but two slips of paper. “How odd,” I thought but still I didn’t say anything to Nate. Instead I asked for him to read his fortune after which I proceeded to read the first of mine and waited for his response, then I said, “Oh wait, let me read my second one now.” We both laughed and were just stunned in amazement because neither of us has ever seen one with two fortunes.

What’s more, both of these fortunes that I received seemed to provide comfort and answers to the many prayers and burdens that have been really heavy on my heart lately. In fact, I’ve been struggling very much with some of the matter and although I tend to maintain an incredulous view on fortune cookies, as they are purely a novelty item, I still found it amazing actually to receive these two messages. Usually fortunes cookies today are not true “fortune” cookies but mere statements taken directly from Captain Obvious’ Stardate Log, such as “The sun will rise today and provide warmth over a cool sea.”

Before opening our fortune cookies, we actually joked about what ours would say.

Mine read:

1. Your are a traveler at heart. There will be many journeys. (Yes the typo was there….maybe it’s an indication I’m traveling back to a foreign country!)
2. A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month.

...If only this could possibly mean the Mega Million Jackpot prize was well within my grasp I'd rest a little easier tonight!

Until next time…
NK